If I Can't Have You Read online

  If I Can’t Have You:

  Renaissance Collection

  Dawn Jiles

  www.urbanbooks.net

  All copyrighted material within is Attributor Protected.

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright Page

  Dedication

  Acknowledgments

  Chapter One - Monique

  Sam

  Bria

  Chapter Two - Sam

  Monique

  Sam

  Chapter Three - Kevin

  Bria

  Monique

  Chapter Four - Corey

  Sam

  Bria

  Sam

  Chapter Five - Corey

  Kevin

  Monique

  Bria

  Sam

  Chapter Six - Kevin

  Sam

  Bria

  Corey

  Kevin

  Corey

  Chapter Seven - Monique

  Bria

  Sam

  Monique

  Chapter Eight - Corey

  Kevin

  Zoe

  Sam

  Bria

  Chapter Nine - David

  Mo

  Corey

  Kevin

  Sam

  Chapter Ten - Monique

  Corey

  Bria

  David

  Chapter Eleven - Sam

  Sam’s Mom

  Kevin

  Chapter Twelve - Sam

  Zoe

  Monique

  Chapter Thirteen - Bria

  Corey

  Sam

  Samariah

  Chapter Fourteen - Monique

  David

  Bria

  Chapter Fifteen - Sam

  Bria

  Mo

  Chapter Sixteen - Timothy

  Corey

  Kevin

  Chapter Seventeen - Zoe

  Monique

  Bria

  Kevin

  Chapter Eighteen - Sam

  Zoe

  Sam

  Mo

  Chapter Nineteen - Zoe

  Monique

  Samariah

  Chapter Twenty - Samariah

  Kendra

  Tim

  Zoe

  Kevin

  Part 2

  Chapter Twenty-one - Mo

  Chapter Twenty-two - Sam

  Chapter Twenty-three - Corey

  Chapter Twenty-four - Kendra

  Chapter Twenty-five - Sam

  Chapter Twenty-six - Corey

  Chapter Twenty-seven - Mo

  Chapter Twenty-eight - Kendra

  Chapter Twenty-nine - Sam

  Chapter Thirty - Tim

  Chapter Thirty-one - Kevin

  Chapter Thirty-two - Sam

  Chapter Thirty-three - Zoe

  Chapter Thirty-four - Imani

  Chapter Thirty-five - Monique

  Chapter Thirty-Six - Sharon

  Chapter Thirty-seven - Meka

  Chapter Thirty-eight - Sharon

  Chapter Thirty-nine - Tim

  Chapter Forty - Monique

  Chapter Forty-one - Monique

  Urban Books, LLC

  300 Farmingdale Road, NY-Route 109

  Farmingdale, NY 11735

  If I Can’t Have You: Renaissance Collection Copyright © 2018 Dawn Jiles

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without prior consent of the Publisher, except brief quotes used in reviews.

  ISBN: 978-1-6228-6513-0

  This is a work of fiction. Any references or similarities to actual events, real people, living or dead, or to real locales are intended to give the novel a sense of reality. Any similarity in other names, characters, places, and incidents is entirely coincidental.

  Distributed by Kensington Publishing Corp.

  Submit orders to:

  Customer Service

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  Westminster, MD 21157-4627

  Phone: 1-800-733-3000

  Fax: 1-800-659-2436

  Dedication

  I would like to dedicate my first book to my aunts, Patrice and Lashon Goodman. I would also like to dedicate it to my grandmother Mildred Giles. RIP, ladies. I love and really miss the three of you!

  To my family and friends, I love you all, and thanks for the support!

  Acknowledgments

  First and foremost, I want to thank God for the wonderful blessing and opportunity that he has given me.

  Secondly, I want to thank Racquel Williams for everything that was done for me to get to this point.

  To all my family and friends, I love y’all, and I appreciate all the support.

  I want to give a special shout-out to my parents, Kim and Timothy Giles; to my sisters and brother, Shanice Jiles, Tatyana Driver, and Timothy Jiles Jr.; and to my loving and supportive fiancé, Will Jennings. And a big shout-out goes to my granny Bobbie Goodman.

  I wish to give my heartfelt thanks to my best friends, Constance Knox, Jenelle Mcglothian, Soliel Green, Chanel Bowers, Chanel Johnson, and Kristen Drew. My spiritual leaders and supporters, I love y’all!

  And here’s a shout to Milwaukee, Wisconsin, where I was born and raised. Milwaukee, stand up!

  Chapter One

  Monique

  “Monique, wake your butt up and get ready for school. Do not let me have to tell you twice!” my mother screamed from the bottom of the stairs.

  I lay on my back and rolled my eyes to the ceiling. I hated school! It was not because I didn’t want to be educated; I just really hated the way the other kids made me feel. They’d tease me and call me all types of names. They called me black, fat monkey, and Miss Piggy. I would pinch my nose to stop the tears that formed in my eyes. Although I was alone, I would not give them the satisfaction of a tear.

  I climbed out of my bed and headed for my bathroom. I was an only child being raised by both parents. My mom was a nurse, and my father was a lawyer. They gave me everything my heart desired, but I still found myself sad all the time.

  Once I was in the bathroom, I stared at myself in the mirror. Yeah, I could stand to lose a few pounds, and I could probably do something different with my hair, but I was really not an ugly girl. I was five feet, four inches tall, with green eyes and long, silky jet-black hair. I had a huge ass, nice-size breasts, and smooth mocha skin. I weighed almost 250 pounds, and I was dark skinned, and that was all people seemed to notice.

  I was seventeen years old, and I would be a senior in high school the next year. Thank God this was my last week of my junior year of high school. If it were not for my best friends, Samariah and Bria, I would probably get bullied more often.

  I showered, got dressed, and threw on a pink jogging suit from Victoria’s Secret. It was early June, but in Milwaukee it still felt like it was winter outside.

  I ran out of the house and hopped into my 2011 fire-red Audi coupe, which my parents had got me for my sixteenth birthday. I sped out of the driveway, on my way to school. First, I would pick up Bria and Samariah, Sam for short. My BFFs were two of the most popular girls in school. We had been friends since grade school and had been inseparable since then.

  Sam was light skinned, with big breasts and one of the biggest asses I had ever seen. She had a flat tummy and a small waist. She looked like a thicker version of Nicki Minaj. Every guy at our high school wanted her, and all the chicks wanted to be her. Bria had a hazel complexion, with these exotic-looking eyes. She was about five feet tall, with nice, perky breasts. She had absolutely no ass, but you couldn’t tell her that. She was slim, and her hair was cut short, like that chick from the show Empire.

  I picked
them up, and we headed to school.

  “Bitches!” screamed Sam. “Why has Eric been blowing up my damn phone? He knows I’m with Kevin. Just because I let him eat this good pussy doesn’t mean I want his ass.” She scrunched up her face and rolled her eyes.

  “Why the hell are you scrunching up your face? You knew what you were doing when you allowed him to do that to you,” Bria said. “And to top it all off, they are best friends, ho!” Bria was the type to always speak her mind. She didn’t bite her tongue for anyone.

  “You know Bria is right, Sam. Why would you mess with him, knowing that him and Kevin are best friends?” I asked.

  “And turn down great head? That’s nonsense!” Sam responded with a straight face.

  “You know this ho is a ho. She ain’t turning down no nigga,” Bria said, shaking her head at Sam and laughing.

  Sam had slept with a lot of guys in our school and outside of the school. Everybody seemed to know about it, except her boyfriend, Kevin. They had been together for about two years now, and once he took her virginity, she just couldn’t get enough of sex.

  “Well, if you two virgin bitches will start fucking somebody, you will understand where I’m coming from. Bria, you and David have been together for years, and you haven’t given him any. You better hope he’s not getting it from somebody else,” Sam said.

  “I’ll pass, and my man is faithful, but you don’t know the meaning of that,” Bria said, annoyed.

  I thought about sex sometimes and what it would be like, but I had never had a boyfriend, and no one ever seemed to be interested in me. There was this one guy named Corey, who was the star of our basketball team. I had the biggest crush on him. He was so fine, but he didn’t even notice me.

  We made it to school and rushed to our classes. The day went by quickly. As we headed to my car, after the last bell rang, Kevin ran up behind us and grabbed Sam by the waist.

  “What’s up, ladies?” he said to Bria and me. Bria and I nodded our heads, and Sam gave him a fat kiss on the lips. “Y’all know I’m throwing an end of the school year bash at my house? It’s going to be cracking super hard. Y’all down?” asked Kevin.

  “Baby, you know I’m going to be there,” Sam said.

  “Me too,” Bria said.

  “I guess I’ll be there as well,” I said, joining in.

  Kevin whispered something in Sam’s ear, and she began to blush. “I’ll talk to you bitches later. I’m leaving with Kevin,” Sam said. She swished that big ole ass as she walked off.

  Bria and I got in my car and headed home.

  Sam

  I was not your average seventeen-year-old. I had the body of a grown woman; I was definitely shaped like the number eight. Couldn’t none of these bitches compete with me. With my small waist, big ass, and the face to match, there was no competition. I had all the niggas sweating my shit, and I couldn’t blame them. They liked what they saw. I could have any nigga I wanted; I didn’t care if he had a girl. If I wanted him, I was getting him.

  I loved my boyfriend, Kevin, but he was starting to bore me. It was the same old shit with him. He didn’t know how to please my body, which was the very reason I cheated. I know you’re thinking, This ho, but there was just something about sex. I loved it! I absolutely had to have it. It made me feel good, and I love being wanted.

  If I could have sex all day, I would—just not with Kevin’s boring ass. I had tried to teach him how to fuck me, but he just didn’t get it. That was why when his best friend, Eric, told me that he wanted to taste me, I had to oblige. We did it right there in the girls’ bathroom at our school, and it was some of the best head I had ever had. He licked, kissed, and sucked all over my kitty kat. He ate my pussy so good that I wanted to get some of that dick, but the bell rang, and I had to get to class. I might be a ho, but I was going to be an educated ho. Eric kept calling and texting me, telling me that he wanted to finish what we started. I just might take him up on that offer.

  I got in the car with Kevin, and we headed to his house. When I was with my BFFs, he had whispered in my ear that he wanted to beat my pussy up, and my kitty kat had started to throb. Although Kevin’s sex wasn’t that great, I knew how to get myself off when I was with him. Corey was the best sex partner I’d ever had. Yes, I’m talking about the Corey that my best friend Monique is in love with. She had had the biggest crush on him since the ninth grade, but her fat ass had never made a move. Even if she had, that wouldn’t stop me. Like I said, I got whomever I wanted, when I wanted them. I didn’t care if he was my best friend’s man. Just thinking about Corey’s fine ass made me want to play with my kitty.

  “Baby, let’s try something different today. Let’s park somewhere secluded and do it in the car,” Kevin said.

  “Okay. But where will we go?” I said.

  Kevin thought he was the only man I had ever been with. Granted he took my virginity, but if he really knew the truth, he would probably beat my ass. I had been fucking different niggas since about a month after we first had sex.

  “Let’s go to Washington Park. I know a little hidden spot around that way,” Kevin said excitedly.

  “Let’s do it, then,” I said.

  We headed toward Washington Park and reached our destination. He quickly started to undress me. With Kevin, there was absolutely no foreplay. He always took off my clothes and got right to fucking. Today he surprised me; he took my 40DD titties and put them in his mouth. That shit felt so good, but as soon as it got good, he pulled his six-inch dick out and entered me. He gave me a few good pumps, and it was over in two minutes, tops. Kevin’s problems were that his penis wasn’t that big and he couldn’t hang. I was pissed the fuck off, but I hid my anger. I guessed I’d be taking Eric up on his offer, ’cause this shit here was for the birds.

  Bria

  I didn’t know what was wrong with my best friend Sam. I loved her, but I hated the decisions she made.

  I had had a steady boyfriend since the ninth grade. His name was David, and my man was fine. He was light skinned, with black and honey-blond dreads. He was a little on the chunky side, but it was mostly muscle. He was about five-eleven, and he was the star quarterback of our football team. David treated me so good that I couldn’t have asked for a better man. I loved him. We were even going to the same college together.

  My thoughts drifted off to Mo. I loved my best friend Monique, but she was always so sad. I knew it had a lot do with her weight and them teasing her at school, but when Sam and I were around, we put that shit to a stop.

  “I don’t know how I feel about going to this party. They are all going to be making fun of me,” Monique said.

  “Listen, Mo, I’m not going to let none of them bums at school mess with you,” I yelled into the phone.

  A few days had passed since Kevin invited us to the party, and as you can see, Mo was nervous as hell.

  “If I could just lose weight, people wouldn’t make fun of me. I hate being big,” Mo said.

  “Mo, you are beautiful. Big and all, but if you don’t like what you see, do something about it. You can always lose the weight, but you have never put forth the effort. You complain to me all the time about how big you are, but you never try to change it,” I said.

  My girl Monique was so beautiful, but I didn’t think she realized how pretty she really was. She had been big since first grade, and she always complained about it but never put forth the effort to change it.

  “You know what, Bria? You are absolutely right. I am going to start working on it right away,” said Mo.

  She sounded serious, so I hoped she did it. “Pull out something nice to wear and get ready for this party tomorrow,” I said.

  “Is David coming?” Mo asked.

  “Girl, you know he is! He never misses a good party,” I said. “I’ve got to go. It’s time for dinner.” We hung up the phone, and I went downstairs to eat dinner.

  “So, how is David? He hasn’t been over in a while,” my mom said as we sat at the table.

&nb
sp; “He’s good,” I said. My mom thought I was too young to be making plans to be with David. She had been with my dad since high school, so I didn’t know why she was riding my back so hard. My mother was a stay-at-home wife and mother. She took good care of my brother and me, but sometimes she got on my damn nerves.

  “I still think you’re too young to be trying to settle down, even if he’s a nice young man.”

  I didn’t respond. I just rolled my eyes and continued to eat my food.

  “Honey, leave her alone. If she wants to be with that boy, let her. As long as she keeps getting good grades and goes to college, I’m okay with it,” my dad said with a stern face.

  “But . . . ,” my mom interjected.

  “But nothing,” my dad said, raising his hands to let my mom know the conversation was over.

  We finished eating dinner, and then I rushed off to my room. I started thinking about David. Lately, he had been talking about having sex, but I was scared. Everyone talked about how good it felt, but I was just not sure if I was ready. What if things changed once we had sex? What if he broke up with me afterward? I had a lot of what-ifs. I did know I wanted him to be my first and only, but those what-ifs were holding me back.

  * * *

  It was Friday, and it was our last day of school. Today was also the day of the bash. We had decided to meet up over Sam’s house to get dressed and go to the party. When we all arrived at Sam’s, my girls and I were looking fly as hell. I had on this red Bebe halter dress with some matching red Bebe six-inch heels. Sam wore some blue jean booty shorts with a white sleeveless blouse and some white six-inch Steve Madden sandals. Her ass was hanging all out of those shorts, but that was how Sam liked it. Mo had on some cut-up skinny jeans and a fitted blazer with some Michael Kors flats. Even though my girl was insecure, she looked good tonight.